Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
