Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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