About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
