i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
