I puked a lego.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
