i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
