I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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