a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
