Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
