dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
