at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
