Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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