he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
