Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
