I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
