She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
