hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
