True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
