yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
