his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
