the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
