Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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