If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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