yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize