I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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