She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
