somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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