it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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