There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
