Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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