i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
