dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
