im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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