Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
