Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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