fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
