all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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