HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
