Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
