you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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