well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
