four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
