Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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