now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
