If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
