it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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