In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
