how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
