I've blown a few things in my day
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
