A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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