Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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