WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
