Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
