the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize