I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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