pop tarts are not kleenex
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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