her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
