she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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