I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
