I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
