no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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