I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
