she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
