kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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