If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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