So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
