Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
