I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
