I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
