I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
