i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
