Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
