You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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