grandma shit on top of the toilet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
