I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
