I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
