I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
