woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
