Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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