Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
