this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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