You really coming over, don't trick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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