I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
