i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize