Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
only you would photoshop your dick
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
