1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
