Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
