you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
