Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can I color on your dick again?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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