So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
