yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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