Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
