Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
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