you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
