I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
