Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
