So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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