Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
